Usually they come from hearing a word said out loud or reading a word, then forming a punchline and working backwards. I don't know why, it's obviously some kind of illness. Originating in my puncreas. There I go again.....
So this blog is part 1 of my favourite things that I've tweeted during 2015. This one truly does cover the year, being made up of hashtags that I felt an overwhelming compulsion to join in with or just major events that might make less sense out of context. Enjoy! Well, not enjoy exactly, you know what I mean.....
# Hashtags #
#FF Robinson Crusoe#AskRussellCrowe What makes the loudest noise, a raven walking over dry leaves or a jackdaw eating a packet of crisps?
I thought someone had thrown away all my Beanos and Dandys.....but no, I found them #ComicRelief
I killed a bloke, liquidised him, then mixed it with fruit to make a refreshing drink. Think I'll have it today #mcm
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid Ow. Ow. Owwww! Jesus Christ!
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid So I've thought of these things called Creme Eggs right? We need a cunning marketing ploy.....
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid It's actually pronounced "Hay-zoose".
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid Oh my God, wouldn't it be hilarious if people latched onto this and were still talking about it in 10 years?
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid I can't even.....jfc smh kms rn tbh
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid I quite fancy a holiday in Turin. I hear it's shrouded in mystery.
#IOnceDatedSomeoneWho had been in a peat bog for 3000 years
#MyTombstoneIn5Words I'm sure I used to be good at maths?
#IOnceHadABossWho was called Hugo. No I didn't.
#ThankYouEd For all those comments in brackets you insert into magazine articles etc.
A man was hit over the head today with the cardboard centre from a box of tin foil #tubestrike
#TheAshes are something you have to work hard to win. You really have to urn it.
#WeCantBeFriendsIf One of us doesn't like the other one.
#AngerABook Your cover is tacky, your spine is falling apart and your pages are all creased, I bet your mother was a twig.
I'm looking at the trend of #thevoiceau and pronouncing it as in the French for bird.
Who has the dirtiest carpet in tennis? No-vac Djokovic #WimbledonFinal
#GrowingUpMetal I had to be careful when walking near strong magnets.
#GrowingUpWithGlasses because I liked to see what I was drinking.
#DisappointASong You're rubbish.
A man was hit over the head with the inflatable innards of a bike tyre #tubestrike
#ImNotReallySelfishBut I do tend to Clam up in crowds of people.
#ImNotReallySelfishBut I have watched a documentary about the Krayfish twins.
Apparently Chelsea are withdrawing the use of their player stats. There's now a hole in the Prozone layer #CFC
#MyTypeIn4Words Anything but Comic Sans
#wcw Chelsea Ladies 6 Sheffield Wednesday 0
#YouKnowSummersOverWhen It's Autumn
#TerribleGiftsForA4YearOld A brand new A3 pad of paper. It'll probably get jealous on account of size and being a year younger.
Has anyone figured out where all this happened anyway? My money's on Leicester #piggate
#OneLetterOffSongs s To You by Finch
#OneLetterOffSongs From America by the Proclaimers
#SaveThePlanetIn4Words File. Save As. Click.
#Facebookdown Or a request for Templeton Peck to put on a gig for Phil Anselmo and Co. What next #MurdochBookEyeHateGod ?
#RedneckIn3Words Need suntan lotion
#PhraseThatMakesYourHeartSink "I'm going to cut out your organs, place them in water and weigh them down".
#WorldToiletDay ? Yeah yeah so when's World Sink Day? World Bath Day? World Bidet?
Topical
Apparently the existing members of Blink 182 are continuing, but with only one frontman they've decided to be Wink 182Are sections of hospitals that use a certain water filter that interesting tonight? What's all this about Brita wards?
I bet Madonna is absolutely furious with the costume department, especially the material girl.
I heard that all West Brom players are fans of Feeder. But it turns out it's Just Ideye.
It seems my opinion of the latest Batman actor changes over time, I think I may have Seasonal Afflecktive Disorder.
I saw a gorilla this morning lay down on his side stretched out at the top of a hill & then propel himself down. Not really, ape-roll fool.
Interesting fact: Mumford and Sons were originally formed by Harrison Ford, his mother and his brothers, a few lineup changes later et voila
Not to labour a point but I'd make a conservative estimate that a liberal number of MPs in waiting will be green with envy while you kip.
So that pastor who said he would set himself on fire isn't now going to do it.....I mean everyone knows you boil pastor right?
Was EL James just plain old James before moving to Spain?
Apparently there's going to be a Bloodstock just for birds. It's called Feather BOA.
There's a lot of clash talk this morning, everyone deciding whether they should stay or they should go I suppose.
Aston Villa have problems with the supply line to their forwards. Despite Jordan saying "I'm free" there's not enough of Ayew Being Served.
Monetary Worth: 95
Racism Rating: 98
Hair Power: 5
....sorry, just playing Top Trumps.
I was talking to a Labour leadership candidate today & he was very abrupt with me. I told him "don't be curt Corbyn". He was all apologies.
Anyone complaining that Metallica has frozen on BBC4 should Let It Go.
If as expected Kurt Corbyn becomes the Big Cheese today, will he Milk It?
But I suppose if Kurt Corbyn doesn't win.....Nevermind......
Kurt Corbyn was wondering what to wear to his first Prime Minister's questions but he was advised "just Come As You Are".
Going to write a pro-smoking song with the line "Light me up when Stoptober ends".
Frantic-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tocktober
I can understand the fuss with plastic bags, they're all full of disease. Most don't show any outward symptoms but they're all carriers.
Someone told me I have to keep mentioning the Back to the Future car today or I'll be arrested. "It's da law Ian" they told me.
That one could have been better but I came up with it on the McFly.
All this stuff about the WHO saying bacon and meat can give you cancer....what qualifications does Roger Daltrey have to make these claims?
I wonder how many arguments will be caused by a game release this week....people wondering "what did we have to fall out for?"
You know Fallout 4 has just been released? Surely someone should recommend some kind of relationship counselling, it can't happen a 5th time
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